My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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