her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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