Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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