...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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