You made me cry and you don't even care
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
