piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I need to calm my uterus...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
