Im at strip club and am horny
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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