Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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