2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Small penises have feelings too.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
