i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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