Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
