Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
