He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
