what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
