dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
