FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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