Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
