We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
