i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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