I smell stomach acid.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Randomize
