Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Are we still banned from the library?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
