Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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