I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Is Oprah even human
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
