and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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