I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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