Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
