i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
