hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
