I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
