i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
