I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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