So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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