thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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