You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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