I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
