Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
