Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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