Someone shit on the floor
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
