i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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