who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
