You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
