I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
