You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
