You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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