Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
