i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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