my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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