it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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