We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
