he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
