glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I want to have your abortion
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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