Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
