So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
