It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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