if i died would you start the facebook group?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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