The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
