...so i touched it.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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