we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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